The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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