that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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