Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
