He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
