Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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