david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
