one might say we're banned from that church
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
