his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
