my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
