He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
