Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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