I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
