If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
