he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
