Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
