Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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