sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
