I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
