i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's just like the Real World with babies
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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