We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
