my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
