You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
