I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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