Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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