I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize