if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
