Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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