now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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