Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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