I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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