The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
