3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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