wrigley field is MILF paradise
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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