conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
