onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
