why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
