So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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