Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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