i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
