I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
