no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
