3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
