So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
