Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
