did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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