so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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