I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
