From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
