Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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