Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he was CRYING into my vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
