can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
