why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
