When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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