I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
