Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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