Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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