At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize