Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
