Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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