any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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