he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
