one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize