Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize