so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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