Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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